On June 1st 2011 Gurm posted a famous monkeys on his back blogpost: http://grrm.livejournal.com/219080.html
It contained the following monkeys (edit: the numbers in the quotes are added by me for easy references):
1- reviewing pitch proposals and putting together the overplot for the new Wild Cards mosaic novel, LOWBALL,
2- writing the first draft of my script for episode nine of season two of the HBO series GAME OF THRONES, "Blackwater," and damn, but this one is a bitch of an adaptation, the original author made the damn battle way too big and too expensive,
3- working on a Nicholas van Rijn story for the Poul Anderson tribute anthology Gardner Dozois and Greg Bear are editing (an especially noisy monkey, since the deadline was today and the story is a long way from being done),
4- getting back into THE WORLD OF ICE AND FIRE, the long-promised concordance I am doing with Elio and Linda, which is almost three years late at this point, and needs to be finished and delivered by year's end,
5- roughing out the next Dunk and Egg novella, the next story in the queue after I finished the "Blackwater" script and the Poul Anderson story,
6- planning for a long summer of travel: the visit to Poland and Slovenia, the book tour, San Diego comicon, worldcon in Reno, Bubonicon, and maybe another trip overseas in the fall for the HBO show, depending,
7- working on a complete redesign of my website, much needed and long postponed,
8- supervising and reviewing and approving materials for the games, the cards, the video games, the comic books, the replica swords, the miniatures, etc, etc.
I am exhausted just typing about it.
666-And behind all that, of course, lurks Son of Kong: the WINDS OF WINTER.
Before we start addressing these single monkeys, we are going to cross-reference them with another "monkeys on my back" blogpost from 1 year and 22 days later, June 23rd 2012: http://grrm.livejournal.com/283248.html
666- THE WINDS OF WINTER. Also known as "Son of Kong." Working on it. Lots to do.
4- THE WORLD OF ICE AND FIRE. The concordance. Elio and Linda are my partners on this one, a compendium of the history and legends of the world of Westeros. A coffee table book, lots of gorgeous art from such talents as Ted Nasmith, Justin Sweet, and others. Making good progress on this one of late, lots of great historical stuff that I think my readers will enjoy. Never before revealed details of Aegon's Conquest, the War With the Faith, The Dance of the Dragons, the Paramours of Aegon the Unworthy, etc.
3- Poul Anderson story. An original short story for the Poul Anderson tribute anthology. Way, way overdue, but I am getting to it.
5- Dunk & Egg #4, An original novella of Dunk & Egg. Working on it. Hope to have it done by worldcon. It's scheduled to be published in
9- DANGEROUS WOMEN. A huge crossgenre anthology that Gardner Dozois and I are doing for Tor. Largely complete, except for Dunk & Egg. Well, we're waiting for three rewrites, but my own story will likely be the last one in, then we can move this one to "done and delivered."
1- LOWBALL. Volume twenty-two in the Wild Cards series. Working on that one with Melinda Snodgrass, my co-editor. Late, but almost done, a few last sections remain to be completed.
10- OLD MARS. Original anthology for Bantam, coedited with Gardner Dozois. Three-quarters done, a few stories still due in, three or four rewrites in progress. Not due quite yet.
11- OLD VENUS. The sequel to Old Mars. Well back in the pipeline, not due for a year.
12- ROGUES. Big crossgenre anthology I am doing with Gardner Dozois. One story already in, several in progress, but there's lots of time on this one too.
Let the fun begin, and analyze the progress of these monkeys:
1: Lowball, who cares but here we go anyway. He says in this blogpost of august the 5th 2012 in ready. He says mainly thanks to Snodgrass, or as we could interpret it: "Hey bitch be Im famous now so my name on the cover is my work and you do the editing." So when something is done august 5th you'd think it would have a publication date by now. Alas, it is nowhere to be found. My guess is they are still discussing the fontsize of Gurms name on the frontcover.
2: We give credit where credit is due: kudos Gurm you made your first deadline since 1998.
3: Nicholas van Rijn-story. Lol, this story is 1 year and 7 months late. Most writers have written a WHOLE book during this timeperiod. Some of you may remember I am in contact with Bill from Subterranean Press and he offered me to give me money back when I asked for the third update. Mind you, this book was supposed to hit the bookstore fall 2012. Quite an achievement of letting all your colleagues down Gurm. You are officially a fuckwat.
4: Ralinda's fanfiction. In 2011 he says it is THREE years late and should be done by the end of that year (2011). A year later you suddenly hear nothing about a deadline for that book. What an epic fail, but at least here he is dicking Ralinda in the ass so please continue fucking up this deadline here Gurm. You have almost exceeded this one as much as Dance, you can do it!
5: Dunk&Egg, in 2011 he says he will be doing this one after the Blackwater script and the van Rijn story (ref. 1 and 3). Obviously he still hasn't finished the van Rijn story but in 2012 he hopes to have it done by Worldcon. Though he doesn't say which Worldcon let's assume he means the 2012 one, which was early September 2012. Of course his latest blogpost of January 22 he says in the comments he had to "postpone that one," that one being the Dunk&Egg story. No reason given but I'll give you one: not done yet, again disappointing a lot of eager fans who still have faith in the man.
6: Planning trips. Fuck you, that's not a monkey. You have Ty book your airplanetickets (make sure to book 2 seats for Gurm) and hotels, what the fuck else needs to be done? We all know you wouldn't go if you had to arrange any of that fucking stuff yourself. Reading this post of mine it doesn't really look like you need to plan these trips around all the hard work you are doing.
7: Working on a new design for the website, in june 2011. Seriously, I mean fucking seriously.
8: supervising bullshit, giving his approval to critically panned games and bladieblabla. All this monkey contains is the question Gurm asks to whomever searches for his approval: "How much money are YOU giving ME to sell bullshit aSoIaF-related stuff to my delusional fans?" Does not seem that much a troubling monkey to me either, just imagine your job would be people constantly asking you: "Hey, is this ok?" Would be my dreamjob.
9: Dangerous Women. As of January 22, this one is done! But wait a second, instead of getting the Dunk&Egg novella that was promised in this one we get some bullshit stuff he wrote for Ralinda's fanfiction. He says about this book: "This one took longer than we thought it would, mostly because of me (mea culpa)." Oh really Gurm, you think Dozois was perhaps waiting on your Dunk&Egg story? When he found out you weren't halfway through your story he probably started reading your blog and found the only proof of you doing something in the last three years and said: "Fuck it, just give me that. Your sycophants will swallow all the crap you serve them." We can safely assume Dozois did all the work here and again Gurms only job was discussing the fontsize of his name on the cover. Do you guys think he gets paid more if the fontsize gets bigger? Probably so.
10, 11, 12: anthologies noone is waiting for yet we can assume that a) deadlines will be missed, b) fontsizes will be discussed, c) no stories of Gurm will be found.
666: the book that will never be.
There we have it folks. Of the 13 so-called monkeys it seems 4,5 of them are done: the Blackwater script, planning trips, supervising bullshit, and a book that should have had an interesting story of Gurm but ended up otherwise. I consider Lowball half done since the fontsize-negotiations are still going strong.
Shame on you Gurm, shame on you.